“Get your black banana peelin’ hands off of me”

“Well, I’m black now. So the first thing I did was quit all my jobs. I dunno how I’m supposed to pay the bills… Probably have to start selling crack. Or rapping. Or rapping about selling crack”

“Removing an evil nigger spirit from a negro is as hard as removing stink from a hunk of shit. We must use the tools that white God gave us to fight the nigger. Avoid conversation with the nigger. The nigger will lie, the nigger will make excuses, he will use words he doesn’t know. If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance”

“You heard me, nigga, niggas can’t fight. They don’t possess the strength of character or the mental quickness to be a great fighter. That’s why all the best fighters in the world have always been white men. Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Sly-vester Stallone, and don’t forget Ralph Macchio! Name me one great, black, heavyweight fighter. Name one, go ahead, try, name one. See there? Ya can’t do it. What, what what, what? Oh, oh, oh, oh you wanna pull Ali out yo’ ass? That what you thinkin’ ’bout? Muhammad Ali? Well, if that nigga so tough, then why he didn’t go to Vietnam? I’ll tell you why. ‘Cause he was scared, that’s why. Shoot. “No Vietnamese ever called me nigga.” I call him a nigga eight times before I have breakfast, now what he gon’ do? Hold on, I’ll make it nine… NIGGA!”

“My name is Uncle Ruckus and I will be nigga-sitting you two until your grandfather returns. Your granddad had picked me cause I am a licensed zoologist. I have studied a variety of wild animals and the African male, if by far, is the most savagely cunning. This is an opportunity to observe you niggas in your natural habitat and collect data. But be warned, whatever nigga trickery you got up your sleeve does not affect me”

“Is this the kind of shit you niggas put on your feet nowadays? This looks like a damn astronaut’s shoe. I’m black, I’m not walking to the Moon, I’m walking to the liquor store”

“I don’t think we should use the word ‘nigga’ and i’ll tell you why, cause niggas are used to it! hell, they like it now. you gotta rotate your racial slurs. now i know it’s hard, cause the word “nigga” just rolls off your tongue like the sweat off a nigga’s forehead, but next time you wanna call a darkie a nigga, call that coon a jungle bunny instead.”

“That’s right. I got six months to live. Tumor on the back. They call it Biggus Backus Tumoritis or some other big word that my tiny Negro brain and big lips can’t pronounce.”

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